milena_1980: (jaejoong)
[personal profile] milena_1980
Title: Sleeping With Ghosts: Slipping Away
Author: Milena Pandora/[livejournal.com profile] milena_1980
Rating: PG
Pairing: JaeChun
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Reference to suicidal feelings and self-harm.
Summary: Like an empty shell.
A/N: This is a very short scene told from Jaejoong's point of view, his thoughts in Chapter 2: Running.
A/N 2: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] emda for the feedback <3
A/N 3: I wrote this just after posting the latest chapter. I may write other short scenes from Jaejoong's point of view. Chapter 26 will be finished soon, hopefully. I hope that you like it.
A/N 4: Jongwoon is Yesung from Super Junior. It is his real name.



Jongwoon drives almost quietly. Every once in a while, he glances at your wrists; although he can't see the bandages around them, you still pull your long sleeves further down.

"Thanks for doing this," you say after a while. The sense of euphoria you felt all that month is entirely gone; now you feel like an empty shell. Still, this empty shell needs to do one more thing before it can allow itself to be pulled in by the current.

The car stops. You don't want to look at the house you have visited so many times before; you don't want to look at it and know that it might very well be the last time you see it.

Jongwoon looks at you, waiting, before letting out an impatient sigh.

"You don't really want to do this, do you?" he asks, for the twentieth time or so. You don't want to answer. "Can't he come along with us? You were going to get a place together anyway, right? Just tell him to pack his stuff and we'll wait for him-"

"No!" you stop him, but your voice is little more than a whisper. "He has a future here, things he can't do if he comes with me. His parents are sending him to university."

"Which he doesn't even want!" Jongwoon knows this well—you've complained about it several times. "Just ask him to come with us. The worst that can happen is he says no."

That's what I'm afraid of, you think. You won't be able to take it if he says no. Taking a deep breath, you get out of the car and stare at the dark, silent home. Your lover's window is dark, which means he's asleep. Has he been able to sleep since you . . . disappeared? You look down at the bandages around your wrists.

He'll never know about these, you think, strengthening your resolve.

That thought in mind, you go up to that window you have knocked on so many times, usually to go to the beach—the place you love the most—with Yoochun—the person you love most.

I probably look like shit, you realize. It doesn't matter, though. He'll be happy to see you, and maybe he'll be sad after you're gone, but he'll get over it, and though the thought of him forgetting you hurts like hell, you know it's the right thing to do, it is.

It has to be.

When it's finally over—after you say goodbye and he looks at you, dark eyes filled with grief and desperation; after you kiss him, one last kiss that you hope you never forget—you hurry over to the car, way too afraid you'll look back and change your mind.

"Go!" you tell Jongwoon . The older man lets out another impatient sigh, but drives away. He says nothing while you break down in tears that are sad, angry, resentful, painful and more, all at once.

It was the right thing to do, you tell yourself, over and over, even though the tears won't stop flowing.


<<Part 25|Part 26>>
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