milena_1980: (jaejoong)
[personal profile] milena_1980
Title: Sleeping With Ghosts 14/?
Author: Pandora/[livejournal.com profile] milena_1980
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main), YooSu, YooMin, JaeHo, HoMin, HyukSu
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Underage sex (17, but, just to be safe); suicidal feelings; references to substance abuse; self-harm
Summary: Soul mates never die
A/N: Another series of connected drabbles/ficlets, this time JaeChun. No specific number of words this time. Not always in chronological order! Title and lyrics from Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo
A/N2: I apologize for any grammar mistakes, etc. Please let me know if you find anything!! Comments are love and I also appreciate concrit^^





What good's religion

Title: Question

Meet me around the corner to your house?

Jaejoong calls before noon and asks you out to a movie. Neither of you ever calls your outings dates, but they are and you worry about what to wear and your hair, and you feel like those teens they show on TV. Is that pathetic? Jaejoong, you suspect, doesn't have to do anything at all to look the way he does. Heck, you've seen him wake up in the morning: is that supposed to be bed hair? Sometimes you really resent how perfect he looks (though you suspect you shouldn't—he's your boyfriend, after all).

After choosing from among your limited array of jeans and t-shirts, and fighting with your uncooperative hair, you finally leave home. Your father is at work, so he won't care if you're out. Maybe, if you're lucky, Jaejoong can get the old car again and you can go get drunk somewhere.

You sigh, pushing your hands inside your jean pockets. For some reason, you're feeling nervous today. It's stupid, you think: you've been with Jaejoong for a few months now and you've never been happier. Yes, he's insane most of the time, but he's interesting and intelligent and you can talk to him about anything . . . All right, so you didn't feel that way in the beginning, but that was so long ago. You've gotten used to his personality, to his moods. There's nothing you love more than listening to him go on with one of his silly stories. He should really write them down.

Ah, finally, the corner. Is that him over there? Looks like it. But . . . who's the guy with him?

Jaejoong laughs, covering his mouth. He seems happy, happier than you have seen him in a long time. There's something about the way he moves that bothers you, though. Maybe it's the way he cocks his head to the side (like when he flirts with you), looking straight into the other guy's eyes. The guy seems older, though. Jaejoong has never mentioned having other friends; in fact, as far as you know, he's the perfect example of a loner.

You stop in your tracks when the stranger reaches out and caresses Jaejoong's face. His expression is . . . affectionate. Who the fuck is this guy?

You have only just decided to walk up to them when they hug tight. You stop in your tracks; you can't stop staring, you heart beating so fast it hurts. It's not like Jaejoong is cheating on you. Right?

Jaejoong waves goodbye as the guy gets into a black car and drives away. He looks so happy now, smiling so beautifully. Who is this person who can make your lover smile this way?

Heart still beating fast, you walk over to him.

Hyung.

His smile widens impossibly and he meets you halfway.

Yoochunnie. He puts his arm around your shoulders. Sometimes you wish he wouldn't be so affectionate, but, right now, you need . . .

Suddenly, he leans closer and sniffs your neck.

Is that . . . ? Yoochun, are you wearing cologne? he teases, trying to look into your eyes. You look away.

Just had some, felt like trying it. What, it smells bad? You knew you were going a bit overboard with the cologne, but, well, it seemed so appropriate at the moment.

Jaejoong laughs.

Aw, come on, don't be like this, he says, beginning to lead you toward the bus stop. Besides (he leans really close and brushes his lips against the side of your face, voice huskier), I really like it.

His action leaves you breathless and feeling like a love struck idiot (which you are). You can only listen to him while you walk, enjoying the feel of his arm around you.

(You don't think about the stranger again.)


Title: Battles

You're beautiful, he said, moving to kiss and nuzzle your neck, before kissing you with bruising force once more. You had forgotten just how uncomfortable it was to fuck in the backseat of a car, but you were too angry, too desperate. You kissed back with as much fervor, desired him as much as he desired you; you took him into your mouth before he could even ask (even if it tasted wrong, felt wrong, fit wrong in your mouth, because it wasn't his). You straddled his lap and fucked yourself on his cock and loved it (pretended to), because, hell, you wanted it, you needed it so badly you thought you would scream.

He took you home afterwards, and he still had that dazed look in his eyes when he pulled over near your building. You were almost sure he would ask for your name, probably your number, but you said a quick goodbye and left, never to see him again.

Shit, you mutter, leaning forward on the railing. It's probably three in the morning and you're outside on the balcony, staring down at the quiet street. You've been drinking all night and you think you've smoked an entire pack of cigarettes already, but you don't care.

What does it matter? you ask yourself, taking a drag from your cigarette. Who cares, anyway?

He called two days later. His number lit up the little screen on your cell phone and you wanted to hurl the little device across the room. You even came out to the balcony and held it over the street below. He couldn't ever call you again if you didn't have his number; you never had to see him again if he couldn't reach you. And you almost let go, you were so ready to finally let go.

But you couldn't.

So sick of this shit, you mutter, putting out what's left of your smoke and sitting. The chair is cold and uncomfortable, but you've been standing for over an hour already and you're afraid of what you might do if you stay near the railing any longer. It hurts so much (too much) and right now, no matter how irrational it may seem to even yourself, you just want to die.

You sigh, leaning back and closing your eyes. It'll stop, you hope, someday you will wake up and his memory won't hurt you anymore. He will be Kim Jaejoong, your childhood love and nothing else. Maybe you will even remember him with some affection, your memories from your teen years will overpower those of the last few years and you will remember only the young, slightly insane boy who loved you and asked for nothing in return, not even that you love him back. You'll recall late night trips to the beach, making love in your bedroom, stealing kisses in the boys' bathroom at school. That he left won't matter ever again; that he has abandoned you time and time again will be unimportant. That he has broken your heart so many times it's just a shattered mess now . . .

A soft sob escapes your mouth and you can't stop the tears from coming anymore. You haven’t cried, you have forced yourself to be strong, but you just can't do it anymore.

Someday, you tell yourself, over and over (though you know it's just a lie).


Title: Mood

We hope you'll join us, she said, voice soft but proud. How can she not be? Her younger son is getting married; he's fulfilling her dream (the one dream you never will).

I will meet you there, you promised. You could sense her happiness, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. As much as you love your mother, you always felt like she abandoned you after she and your father divorced. She could have called more often, visited more often, but she didn't. She focused on work and Yoohwan. Meanwhile, your father focused on himself.

That's in the past now, you remind yourself.

The night before the informal dinner where you will meet your brother's fiancée, you stare at yourself in the mirror. Your hair is too long and looks unkempt; you have dark bags under your eyes and you've become so thin your collarbone is painfully visible.

At least I can do something about the hair, you muse, before you go to sleep.

The next day, you go to work, but you leave early (rather, you don't work overtime) and go get a haircut. Once at home, you shower and rest a few minutes before getting dressed in a navy blue suit (you would have worn black, but then you might look like a mortician and you don't feel like it). There's still half an hour left, but who knows about heavy traffic and that area of town, so you drive away from your building and toward your first family reunion in years.

All four of you haven't been together since you graduated from university and, even back then, you were uncomfortable. You and Yoohwan haven't had anything in common for years. Sometimes you think he's angry at you, but what could you do when you were kids? Later, when you tried to maintain a relationship through frequent phone calls, he rarely ever wanted to talk. And then there's your father . . .

Let's just get this over with, you mutter to yourself as you arrive to the restaurant and find a parking lot.

You're just in time, you realize, when you see your mother standing in the waiting area. She looks beautiful, wearing a green dress, her hair down. She has always been beautiful, you thought so when you were a child, especially whenever she smiled at you. There's a young woman standing next to her and they're talking animatedly, both smiling.

Mom, you interrupt when you're only a few feet away. She looks at you immediately and gives you a radiant smile.

You're here! You're not surprised when she hugs you; you welcome her touch, you need her affection (anyone's) so badly. Once she lets go, though, she looks surprised. You need to eat. You're all skin and bones!

Somehow, you manage to smile.

I'm fine, Mom.

She looks unconvinced, but she smiles again and puts her arm around your waist. When you look up again, your father and brother are walking over and you finally meet the fiancée.


Conversation flows, but you don't contribute. You're happy to listen to them talk about Yoohwan's great luck at finding such a beautiful girlfriend. She's a teacher, like Yoohwan himself (at least he got to study what he wanted), and she loves children. Great, grandchildren, you think, rolling your eyes.

Saemi—Kim Saemi, your brother said—glances at you every once in a while. Is she curious about you? You must wonder what, if anything, Yoohwan has told her about you. Surely, she knows you're not close, that you've disconnected yourself from the family. He barely even looks at you and you're fine with it (it's easier to pretend that it doesn't hurt).

They gush over the food—delicious, exquisite.

However did you find this place? your mother asks and Saemi explains that she and Yoohwan found it by chance and fell in love with it. How cliché.

Hyung, Yoohwan speaks to you all of a sudden. How's work going for you?

You look directly into his eyes.

Very well, thanks for asking, you reply, giving him a slight smile.

No talk of a promotion? your mother asks innocently.

I got a raise a few months ago, you tell her. I thought I had told you.

That's wonderful! she said, smiling brightly. Now, Yoochun, when are you going to get married? Your brother is younger and he already will.

You stop, looking down at your plate. You knew the question would come, but you still haven't figured out how to answer it.

When I meet someone I want to marry, you finally manage, looking her in the eye. Have your parents really no clue? That hasn't happened, yet. I'm very happy for Yoohwan, though.

Your brother looks surprised at your words, but he thanks you. He looks happy with Saemi and you're happy for them.


Dinner ends with your father making a toast for the soon to be married couple. You can't wait to get out of there; you say goodbye to your family—your mother hugs you tight, eyes full of tears when she lets go—and go back to your car.

Yoochun.

Your car is right in front of you when he calls out. Your father looks older and tired, wrinkles set deep in what used to be a very handsome face. He used to have girlfriends, beautiful women who sometimes stayed over at your house. Most of those nights, you remember after Jaejoong became your world, Jaejoong would come get you and you would escape a reality you hated.

Dad, you reply. You get out a cigarette and offer him one, but he refuses. Aren't you supposed to be going back to your hotel?

Soon, he says (he looks troubled as you light up the cigarette). I just wanted to talk with you.

About? You haven't spoken in months. Every time you call him, he has to go for some reason or other and you have stopped trying to be a good son.

He sighs.

I just want to know how you really are doing. You look like . . . as if . . .

What? I look bad? Tired? You're losing your patience. I know what I look like, Dad.

Are you sick?
he asks, and you couldn't be more shocked. Or is it work? Are you overworking yourself again?

You snort, rolling your eyes.

I did what you wanted. I went to school, I got a job. So what if I work too much? Wasn't that what you wanted?

He winces, as if hit. He insisted so much on you studying business, on working hard and making the family proud. Is it not enough now? What more does he want?

Do you need a ride to the hotel? you ask, once more getting your car keys out. He shakes his head.

No.

You say goodbye and get into the car, leaving him behind.


Title: Days

Please read the next paragraph.

He's doodling something on his notebook, you can see from your seat though you can't tell what exactly. He rarely ever pays attention in English class (you always have to give him your notes after class just so that he can keep up), instead choosing to write or doodle. The teacher used to scold him a lot in the beginning of the school year, but now she doesn't even bother; you suppose she realized there's nothing she can do short of punishing him somehow, and even that hasn't helped.

You sigh, gazing at his profile. This morning you met around the corner of your street and he immediately gave you a half hug. You thought he was going to kiss you, the way he leaned closer, but he must have been teasing, you think, for he let go soon enough.

Come on. We don't want to be late, he said, winking.

He bites on the tip of his pen, and then he's back to doodling, but you're still focusing on his mouth, on the way his tongue slips out to wet his beautiful lips. You take a deep breath, wishing you could kiss him right now, but, damn, you still have some twenty minutes to go before class ends and two more classes after that.

You sigh, beyond disappointed. And class is so boring today, too. You didn't even want to come today, and you almost convinced Jaejoong to sneak away, maybe go to his house.

No good, he said, pouting. One of my sisters is there today.

So you came to school and have tried your best to pay attention. However, he needs only move slightly and . . .

Park Yoochun! Pay attention! Mrs. Sung snaps, startling you. She's standing just a few feet away. Read the next paragraph.

You scramble to find the place where your classmate left off, and you're lucky enough to begin at the right place. Mrs. Sung leaves you alone after you finish, but you glare at her back as she walks away.

Once you're sure she won't bother you again, you turn to look at him again; however, he's watching you, grinning. Trouble, he mouths at you and you flip him off. He covers his mouth to muffle his laugh and soon goes back to doodling. You go back to Jaejoong-watching.


You need to stop doing that, he tells you when you meet outside the classroom. You start toward your next class.

Doing what? He knows you watch him all the time, how can he not when he catches you half of the time?

However, he doesn't answer, just grabs your arm and leads you to the opposite direction.

Hyung, what are you doing? you ask, beginning to panic. We have class now.

He doesn't listen, though (you don't resist him, either), until you reach the boys' bathroom. The stalls are empty, but the place smells a bit, and, really, you don't want to get into trouble.

Jaejoong . . . His lips pressing to yours interrupt whatever you were going to say. You close your eyes, wanting to just feel. He's so close now and you have been wanting this all day. Why fight it?

Lack of breath forces you apart, and you can only gaze into his eyes.

We'll be late for class, he says, smiling slightly.

So? You never do this, he's always the one pulling at you to engage in delinquent acts.

So nothing, he replies before he kisses you again, snaking his arms around your waist.


Title: Drowning

Now they're trying to convince me to take another class and I said definitely not, Junsu says, sitting closer to Hyukjae. Hyukjae, in turn, slides his arm around his lover's shoulders. Ever since your argument weeks ago, they seem have gotten closer than they were before then.

Won't that affect your job, though? Changmin asks, gaze full of concern. He and Yunho are sitting on the sofa; there's an interesting distance between them (you wonder if that's for your benefit).

It better not, Hyukjae is the one to talk this time, looking upset. He's working six days a week, five classes a day. And they're not paying him more.

Junsu smiles affectionately. Ah, he always has liked how protective his lover is of him.

If it does affect me in any way, I already have a job offer, your best friend says. I'm even considering taking the offer. It's a small school, but it's closer and their Music teacher left recently. They’re desperate to find another one and they've agreed to match my current salary.

You sip your drink, listening to the conversation quietly, as per usual. You don't feel like talking or even socializing, but Junsu pushed you to come over.

You need to stop moping around, he scolded you when he came over last time. It was your free day, a day for resting and doing things around the house. However, when he came down to visit, he found you drunk, lying in bed, the house an absolute mess. He knows why you're depressed, but he'll avoid talking about him. Thankfully.

Sounds good, Yunho says. He sounds more like when you first met him, tone light and even happy (there's none of the bitterness he kept showing the last few months). And change is always good.

You feel Junsu's gaze on you, but you ignore him. Instead, you excuse yourself and make your way out to the balcony. Sometimes you really get tired about Junsu going on and on about your job.

I don't want to quit, you'll tell him time and time again. It's like he doesn't want to understand that, right now, work is the only thing keeping you alive. Otherwise, if you didn't have that . . .

Yoochun. You look behind you: Changmin's closing the door. He walks up to you and stands at the railing (he doesn't seem to mind the cigarette smoke, though he always hated it back when you were together).

Won't Yunho get jealous that you're out here alone with me? you ask, making sure to keep your tone light. Changmin shrugs, glancing at you.

He can be jealous if he wants to be, he replies. He tries to sound nonchalant, but you can tell he actually likes the thought of the other man reacting just like that.

You flick your cigarette and take another drag.

So, what brings you out here? You don't feel like beating around the bush. You're tired, angry, anxious, and you don't feel like being pushed around.

I just want to talk, he answers. I'll go if . . .

Stay.
You sigh, staring down at the street. You look happy with him.

His breath hitches. Did he not expect you to mention their relationship?

I am, he answers, though hesitantly. He's . . . a really good guy. And, well . . . he's being really understanding. About me not wanting to be in a serious relationship, yet.

You hum softly in thought.

He must really love you, then, you say. Why don't you want to be in a serious relationship yet, anyway? We broke up months . . .

Don't ask me that
, he says, looking into your eyes. It may not mean much to you, but what you and I had . . .

Changmin . . .

I miss it, and I miss you. Nothing's going to change that right now.


You sigh, closing your eyes and leaning against the railing (you choose not to admit that you miss him, too).

And Yunho really doesn't care? He doesn't mind that you still love someone else?

No
, he says. He misses Jaejoong, you know.

Not surprising. They were together for much longer than you and Changmin, and the things they must have gone through together . . .

Are you still seeing him? he asks softly. You're sure Junsu must have told him something, but then again, your best friend does manage to surprise you every once in a while.

You shake your head.

That's over with, you say. Your heart breaks at the words, but they're true and you don't want to lie. I haven't seen him in weeks.

He raises his brow, and you can see he doesn't believe you.

What? You didn't think I could break away from him? you ask, hurt by his reaction (which is stupid, considering how much you have hurt him).

I know you love him, he replies softly. And what I think isn't important. I just . . . He bites his lip and you see it: worry, love, even pity. Fuck, you don't want . . .

The words get stuck in your throat when he leans forward and kisses you, deeply. You kiss back, unable to resist his touch (you're desperate for affection and, fuck, it's not like you don't love Changmin any more).

Changmin breaks the kiss soon enough and gazes into your eyes.

I just want you to be happy, he says. You stare at each other for what seems like forever. How can he feel this way after what you did to him? You deserve to have his hate and his contempt, yet here he is, acting like you're the one who deserves . . .

He sighs, kisses you one more time and leaves. You can only watch him walk away, feeling like the miserable bastard that you are.


Title: Chains

We were pleased by the response the product got from the 18 to 25 age group. If you'll please look at this diagram . . .

Your phone rings, interrupting your extremely important presentation.

Fuck! you think, rushing to grab the device, which is conveniently placed on top of the table.

I apologize, you say, glancing at the screen. You see his name and immediately turn the phone off. Your superiors don't look all that satisfied by your apology, each brandishing displeased expressions around the long meeting table. You swallow hard. Shall I continue?

Luckily, though, you manage to fix things later on. Your boss and your other superiors congratulate you on the presentation (which you spent all week working on). Their words of praise and encouragement should make you feel like the luckiest being on earth, yet they fall on deaf ears. Or rather an unfeeling heart.

They know you work hard, that you spend most of your time at the office, making sure that work is done on time. You have all twenty-three accounts in your hands, and you're lucky that each company becomes busier at different times of the year, otherwise you're sure you would have passed out from exhaustion already.

Nevertheless, you smile and bow, promising you'll work even harder.

All you really want to do is send them all to hell and leave the company once and for all.

You're glad that it's over for now, though. You begin a new project tomorrow, and you don't need to send out questionnaires for at least a week. Life should get easier now and you should have some free time. You're not looking forward to it.

Sighing, you grab your phone. Why in the world is Jaejoong calling again? Has your refusal to see him or talk during the last three weeks not been enough of an indication that you don't want to see him again? As soon as you turn it on, though, you're unable to hide your shock: fifteen voice messages, left in less than forty minutes.

Your heart beats faster. Should you call him? Maybe he needs your help, why else would he call so many times? But then you remember the two nights he came over to your place last week: he kept talking into the intercom, asking you to let him up. He didn't sound remorseful, just his usual crazy self. You ended up locking yourself in your room just so that you wouldn't have to listen to his voice (or else you would have let him in again and all your efforts would have been for nothing).

One by one, you erase each of his messages, not bothering to listen to even one. It's not worth it, you tell yourself, he's not worth any of this.

Once you're done, you throw the phone inside a drawer and pile a bunch of folders on top of it.

Out of sight, out of mind, you think to yourself before you go back to work.


Title: Dying

You haven't moved on at all, he told you during the weekend. You were sitting together on your balcony, drinking and chatting (Hyukjae had rehearsal with his dance students). It wasn't long before Junsu brought him up. You wanted to be angry, but you didn't have the energy left for even that.

He's out of my life for good, you argued. I haven't seen him in weeks and I don't answer his phone calls. What else am I supposed to do?

Talking with him would be good.
Had Junsu finally gone insane? As in actually trapping him and asking him what the hell is wrong with him. Haven't you been wondering since forever? And then maybe you can have some closure and really let go.

You hated your best friend for a whole five minutes after that. He was—is—right, though. You'll never be able to really move on unless that mystery is solved. Drinking, smoking, spending ridiculous hours at your workplace, it sounds so pathetic. You thought you could forget him like that, but, now you know (thanks, like always, to Junsu), that you have just been lying to yourself.

Maybe then I'll be able to look at you and not think 'Shit, my best friend is slowly killing himself and there's nothing I can do', he said angrily, glaring at you before chugging down some more soju.

The conversation hasn't stopped replaying in your mind all week. It's already Thursday and you're wondering what to do. Should you call him? What will you do if he has decided he doesn't want to see you again on account of you ignoring him for so long? (The thought makes your heart clench and you almost want to throw up.)

You end up taking refuge in work (like you always do). It's easier to focus on numbers and charts, no feelings, no nothing involved save for a mechanical knowledge (that you never wanted, in the first place).

You become engrossed in pages and pages of publicity ideas and charts and expectations, so much that you nearly jump out of your skin when your office phone rings.

Sir, it's a Kim Junsu. Needs to speak to you urgently, your secretary speaks right away. You frown, looking around for your cell phone.

Let the call through, you ask and then there's a click. Junsu? Ah, there it is. The screen shows about six missed calls; only then you start to worry. What is it? Did something happen?

You need to come home, now, if you can
, he says, sounding slightly agitated.

Why? What happened?

Don't fucking ask what and just get your butt home!
He hangs up on you. You can only stare at the phone, shocked and worried.

Your boss lets you go when you explain you have a family emergency (Junsu is the closest you have to family right now, so it's not like you're really lying), and you rush out of the office. Afternoon traffic doesn't care if you're in a hurry or not, though, so you're forced to wait (all the while your heart beats hard in your chest, each beat more painful). You can't stop wondering what happened. Is Junsu hurt? Or maybe Hyukjae? Fear sets in the pit of your stomach, but you can only hang on.

As soon as you get to your building, you rush up to Junsu's apartment. You ring the doorbell several times, enough times that he knows it must be you. When he opens the door, you're relieved to see that he is physically fine.

Yoochun! Thank God you're here! he says, hugging you quickly. Then he's pulling you inside the apartment. I'm sorry to get you out of work, but I really had no choice.

You let him drag you past the living room and into the hall.

Junsu, what the hell is going on? What happened?

He doesn't answer, just pulls you into the guest room. Only then you understand.

His clothes are dirty, ragged, even torn in some places. His face is dirty, smudges of black and gray covering his normally perfect skin. There's blood on his clothes and skin, but you can't see a wound anywhere. His hair looks oily, unkempt, nothing like the last time you saw him. What in the world . . . ?

I found him downstairs, huddled just in front of the building, Junsu says softly. I tried to convince him to go to the hospital, but he kept calling your name.

You must close your eyes, you need to look away or else you don't know what you'll do. Your body reacts faster than you do, however—you manage to reach the bathroom before you lose your entire lunch.

What the fuck? you keep asking yourself. What the fuck happened to him?








tbc . . .


<<Part 13 | Part 15>>

Date: 2008-09-16 01:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melodeon-effect.livejournal.com
hahfkjsljd GIMME!

Maybe then I'll be able to look at you and not think 'Shit, my best friend is slowly killing himself and there's nothing I can do', he said angrily, glaring at you before chugging down some more soju.
Your Su always manages to bring me to near tears.
*gasps*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.jae T___T ...... oh jae T_T
Edited Date: 2008-09-16 02:00 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-09-16 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
I'm happy that you love this Su <3

<3333333

Date: 2008-09-16 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crimeis.livejournal.com
i have a feeling this is all coming down to an end. :||| i cringed at the last title, 'dying' um. yeah.

♥~

Date: 2008-09-16 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Maybe, possibly. <333

Date: 2008-09-16 01:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vrilly.livejournal.com
OHNO JAEJAE. AND ;___; MOAR MAOR MOAR I NEED MOAR

Date: 2008-09-16 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Soon, hopefully <3

Date: 2008-09-16 02:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kiibou.livejournal.com
omg, an update, you just made my life. but i need to go lie down. be back once my head stops spinning♥

Date: 2008-09-16 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emda.livejournal.com
My poor heart!!!!!!!!!!!!
now Im gonna go like Yoochun... to charts and stupid feelingless numbers *pouts*

gosh... I even could heard the crack my heart did while reading the last part... so so so sad.

Date: 2008-09-16 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
I'm sorry T___T *mends heart*
<333

Date: 2008-09-16 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] orionsroad.livejournal.com
D: God they're so messed up. All of them really, that they move around each other, like high school kids trading boyfriends and all dating eachother with such a mess of feelings between them all. And Jae... jebus, I hope Yoochun manages to sorthim out somehow, if only for his own sanity.

*snuggles you and your wonderful writing*

Date: 2008-09-16 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Yoochun is falling into a similar hole. Let's hope he'll find a way out.

Thanks so much! *snuggles back*

Date: 2008-09-16 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chloe1910.livejournal.com
Damn..I thought I am fast but others are faster..

Date: 2008-09-16 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chloe1910.livejournal.com
>_<

Gosh Pandora, you made me cry....

I feel like slapping Jaejoong upside down for being such an ass but then again, Yoochun only got himself to blame for all the shit he's going thru..since the beginning, he knew what he's getting himself into when he fell in love with Jae, a very selfish ass. Yoochun was the one who spoilt Jae rotten by gaving him all the freedom...

I know Yoochun couldn't refuse him, part of him being afraid that Jae might leave but still...I would have kicked Jae's sorry ass out of the relationhsip long time ago and not wait until now to pull out of a very deep relationship (for Yoochun that is).

I know, I am saying all this in a moment of anger..but argh!@#$$%%#@$#@@#%#@$! I am frustrated over this fic.

But honestly, I don't think Yoochun could ever let go. For that matter, I don't think Jae could ever stop loving Yoochun too. Cause the one person that Jae keep coming back to was and always will be Yoochun.

I so wanna pity Jae and smack Jae at the same time. What happened to Jae? Please don't tell me he's raped.. T_________T

Gah! Susu ah...Can you please have me? I am so in love with you and your apperance here always managed to tugged my heart so painfully but brighten up my day at the same time too.

Pandora, you are gonna kill me soon...but it is also a fact that your are truly brilliant with this.
Edited Date: 2008-09-16 03:59 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-09-16 11:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
He didn't really know what he was getting into: he didn't know he would fall in love in the first place. And he didn't know that he would never be able to fall out of love, either.

Nah, this won't kill you ;)

Thanks so much, hun <33

Date: 2008-09-16 04:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yuxo.livejournal.com
asfdplKJSDFLKJSDF!?!?!?!?!?!!?! SO SOON!? OFF TO READ.

Date: 2008-09-16 04:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yuxo.livejournal.com
OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

ASDFLAKJSF;ALKFJPWEOASD WHAT HAS JAEJAE. WHAT IN THE FUCK HAS THAT BOY BEEN DOING?!!?!?!? ALSDFKJA;SFDK,ASJDF GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH IDIOT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DAMMIT ALKDSJFSALDKFDF YOOCHUN YOU TOO ALKSJFA;SLKJWE;LAJSFD.

ASLKFJSDFSDFLKASDLSAD YOOCHUN.

AND CHANGMIN'S STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND ALSKFDJSDLKJSDJKLALAKSDJF;SLDKDFLKAS;D I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY WITH YUNHO LIEWJPOIUXKJAK;LKXJWA IT'S ALL I WANT ASLFDKJSKLKWEPIXLKJKJ

WHY.

WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING HURT.

ASFLAKSJFSDLSFDJ

MORE. I NEED MORE.

AND I LOVE YOU. IN A HATEFUL KIND OF WAY. BUT I DO LOVE YOU. ;LJEPOIUAPOIUSDLGKJAFD

♥ lskjfdk dies

Date: 2008-09-16 11:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Hopefully, Min will be happy with Yunho, but they still have a long way to go. They've both just left very intense relationships in which they were hurt.

Wah, don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeee T_______________________T

<33333333
(deleted comment)

Date: 2008-09-16 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Yoochun loves him too much.

Thanks for reading! ^_^

Date: 2008-09-16 06:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhidana.livejournal.com
What the fuck? you keep asking yourself. What the fuck happened to him?

Yeah, I keep asking myself, too...

Guh, I'm still only half awake, so there won't be any coherency in this, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! *wriggles around in chair* Changmin! *cries* Why is he so amazing? And Junsu is probably the best friend one can have! And ADFASKFAFEWFASKFJA Jaejoong! T_________T

*makes grabby hands* NEED! MOAR!

♥♥♥

Date: 2008-09-16 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Changmin and Junsu are just . . . they're good people who really love no matter what.

More soon, hopefully <3333

Date: 2008-09-16 07:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kakkobean.livejournal.com
ACK WHAT NUUUUUU!!!! AAAACK! SIJKDLGFSOERJHTG!!!!!!

ISFJD!!!!

*spazzflailing*

Date: 2008-09-16 11:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Sorry? T__T <333

Date: 2008-09-16 07:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-caps.livejournal.com
wtf wtf wtf what. what just happened. omg omg omg. moar MOAR MOARRR I DEMAND IT NAO

...ok so clearly i fail & couldn't wait to read it. omg i love your brain. ♥♥♥♥

Date: 2008-09-16 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
More soon, promise.

hehe, i noticed. Yay! XDD

My brain . . . loves you? XD <33333333333333333333

Date: 2008-09-16 10:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] applesu.livejournal.com
hdfsk you always leave me wanting more with this fic! *g* i loved the snippets of their younger relationship. adore the yoosu friendship and how much junsu cares. and then jae :( poor lamb. gorgeous as usual!

Date: 2008-09-16 11:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Well, that's good, yay!!! xD So glad you liked all of that, and the YooSu friendship especially ^_^

Thanks so much!! <3333

Date: 2008-09-16 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bangable.livejournal.com
god, this story kills me. likely seriously. you're not sure who to feel the worst for. one minute you hate yoochun and then you feel so bad for him. poor junsu and changmin, i feel like they get the worst of it. i can't wait for the next chapter! finally some answers?

Date: 2008-09-16 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
I guess that's what makes them human to me. No one is perfect, right? :-/

Hopefully some answers next chapter.

Thanks so much for reading!!!! <3

Date: 2008-09-16 06:14 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

i need more!

omg, yoochun. TT.TT so frustrating, it hurts.

Date: 2008-09-16 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
More soon, hopefully.

Thanks for reading!! ^_^

Date: 2008-09-16 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ebbie28.livejournal.com
OMG is all I can say like everyone else..

what happen to him.... Yoochun trying to let go.. But the letting go happen at a time joe really needed you.... Please Yoochun take care of him and when he is well man up and find out what is wrong with him stop being scared to face him.. I believe yoochun has some Ideas of what is wrong with Jae just doesn't want to exknowlege it.. can't wait for more... Love this chapter..

Date: 2008-09-16 11:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
You think Yoochun does? Hmm, that's an interesting idea.

Thanks so much for liking and reading this chapter! ^_^

Date: 2008-09-18 02:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jaearashi.livejournal.com
I just love your fanfic, its so real is can hardly imagine it. I just can't wait for next fic to come up. You such a good writer. Yoochun love for jae is so strong, I wonder what happened to jae next.

Date: 2008-09-21 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
Thanks so much! I'm happy you like it ^_^
Thanks for reading!!! ^^

Date: 2008-09-18 11:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfkissed.livejournal.com
i realized that i haven't read the last few chapters and...


damn. lor. the last few updates broke my heart so, so effin good. T_______T
oh my jaechun. *clings to eeht* everytime i read this story i go all emo and think of very very emo things, and my heart breaks but then i can't wait until the next time you update and it breaks again.

do i make sense? dammit. gah. *dies*

Date: 2008-09-21 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
I'm sorry that this gets you all emo T____T *mends your beautiful heart*
But I am happy that you're still liking it.

You do *HUGS TIGHT* ILU <333333333333333333333

Date: 2008-09-24 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yumene.livejournal.com
Oh god...Iam so dissapointed in Yoochun right now....

I see that he´d had enought of Jaejoong´s selfishness but..... I know he is afraid of confronting him..but I did´t expect him to back off like this right now... after Yunho giving him a hint about Jaejoong´s problem.... I spected that last one on him to force Yoochun to finally talk to jae.. corner him and ask him about the truth.. or it´s really over...

I only see one option for Yoochun´s stupid behavior..(like he hasn´t been stupid enought ahhahaha!) Yoochun may think that what Yunho tryed to tell Yoochun about Jae is somekind of psicological problem.. and he doesn´t want to hear abour that.. he knows that Jae has probably some psicological issues... kind of.. medical ones... but he doesn´t really want to know...
otherwise I will take Yoochun doesn´t love jaejoong enought.... he MUST know with YUnho´s obvious hint that Jaejoong have some health problems... live threatening for sure... he cannot be oblivious of that if he really loves him....
I am at the verge of tears each time I read this...
I hope u can update soon....
I just.. really don´t want Jae to die... look! Iam crying now XDD how stupidxD
This is a good writing when u can easily put in the place of the characters.. T_T
good job!XDD
Should I say how much I really love all the others as well?? Junsu ´s preocupation... MIn and Yunho´s scars.... I could have cryed when Min last glanced to yoochun before leaving the balcony... bittersweet kisses.. ;__; ag
Iam always impressed when people can so confortably write about such angst....ahhh I just couldn´t... would be depressed the whole dayxD
I may be wrong thinking u are a cheerful person? hahhaa
please update soon!!

Love!!!<3

Date: 2008-09-30 02:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
(I just realized I didn't reply to you!!!!)

Well, Chun is very depressed, I think that's evident, and he has mixed feelings about Jae. Jae has hurt him so many times, and now Yoochun finally decides to keep him at a distance. Unfortunately, his feelings are clouding his judgment :( And, well, that's why he ignored Yunho: Yoochun is too deep in his own emotional turmoil.

I'm really so happy that you love this story so much!!!! *huggles*

LOL I'm cheerful, yeah. Or I try to be. Does it work?? XDDDDD

I'll try to update soon!!

<3333

Date: 2008-09-29 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ansuka.livejournal.com
OMG! what happened to jae now?
i just read it all ... and i want to know what happened to jae
i also feel so sorry x changmin T__T he still loves yoochun
and i also love junsu he is such a good friend always taking care of yoochun even after they broak up

pleaase upload soon ^^

Date: 2008-09-30 02:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] milena-1980.livejournal.com
I'll try to update soon ;)

Thanks for reading!!!! ^_^
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