milena_1980: (jaejoong)
[personal profile] milena_1980
Title: Sleeping With Ghosts 17/?
Author: Pandora/[livejournal.com profile] milena_1980
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main), YooSu, YooMin, JaeHo, HoMin, HyukSu
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Underage sex (17, but, just to be safe); suicidal feelings; references to substance abuse; self-harm
Summary: Soul mates never die
A/N: Another series of connected drabbles/ficlets, this time JaeChun. No specific number of words this time. Not always in chronological order! Title and lyrics from Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo
A/N2: I apologize for any grammar mistakes, etc. Please let me know if you find anything!! Comments are love and I also appreciate concrit^^
A/N3: Will continue to post this fic here until I finish it ^^





Compromise

Title: Spin

Sir, you wanted to speak to me?

His summons came suddenly while you were in the middle of a phone call with a client. You were surprised that he wanted you to come to his office, but, ultimately, you knew he had reasons to. You hesitated, though, sat at your desk for minutes on end, staring at nothing, the folders and the reports on your computer screen forgotten. It would take only a moment. And it couldn't be that bad: your boss had always had a soft spot for you, he saw how hard you worked; some of your coworkers were even jealous of the favor he showed you. Surely he just wanted to talk about a project or something.

Despite the awful feeling in your gut, you managed to leave your office and walk up to your boss's door.

Park Yoochun is here, his secretary said into the phone. At her nod, you walked into his office.

Yoochun, he greeted you. There wasn't a trace of a smile, no warmth in his gaze. You sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk when he requested you to and waited, suddenly feeling small and weak.

You have been taking a lot of days off, he said. You wanted to argue that it wasn't true, but you couldn't. He was right, never mind that you had needed to take those days, there hadn't been any other choice. On top of that, your performance hasn't been up to what we have come to expect from you.

You took a deep breath, trying to remain calm, wondering where he was going with that.

With all due respect, Sir, you dared to speak when he paused, Taking those days off hasn't affected my work. None of the studies have been delayed, everything is running as expected, I can show you evidence. I haven't once failed this company. You paused and exhaled, looking for something more to defend yourself with.

He raised his brow, as if surprised that you would be so bold to speak out (the truth and only the fucking truth).

This is a warning, he said, looking straight at you. Up until now I have had nothing negative to say about you, but I can't ignore your irresponsible behavior any longer. Good day.

He looked down at the papers on his desk, a clear dismissal. You sat there for a minute, staring at him in disbelief. What were a few days? Your work hadn't been affected, you had made sure of it.

Yes, Sir, you said, bowing and leaving the office.

Now, sitting at your desk, typing hurriedly, you wonder what you were expecting when you went there. The bastard has worked you to the bone ever since you started working here, forcing you to take on more work hours than even the hardest working man in the entire country. It's a big company, they could afford to give you an assistant, but no, you were enough, who cared if you went home dead tired? If you couldn't spend any time with Changmin, your partner back then?

You glare at the computer screen, trying to remain calm, but it's hard, you can barely breathe, you want to scream or smash something. Somehow you manage to refrain, you force yourself to continue typing.

As soon as you're finished, you print the document, four copies. You send out an email to four recipients including yourself; you sign all four sheets above your name typed at the bottom and leave one on your desk. Then you leave your office, stop at your secretary's desk, instructing her to deliver two copies to two specific people, and walk back to your boss's office. You don't wait for his secretary to call, you just let yourself in, much to his surprise. You couldn't care less, though, as you put the signed sheet on his desk.

My letter of resignation, effective immediately, you inform him. He's speechless, you almost want to hear him beg for you to stay (he knows as well as you do that they'll never find anyone as good as you), but you don't care anymore.

Without a backwards glance, you return to your office, empty your briefcase of all work related things and fill it with the fourth copy and the few things you've kept there (you never really personalized your office, what was the point?). Then you say goodbye to your now former secretary before walking up to the elevator, ignoring your coworkers as you walk past them.

Once out of the building, you take out your cell phone and dial.

Hey, Yoochun . . .

Hey, Junsu. Guess what? I just quit my job!



Title: Perfect

I always want to be with you, he said, smiling, chest heaving. He looks so beautiful after sex, his skin flushed and sweaty, brown eyes darker but filled with emotion. You don't doubt that he loves you, not for a second, especially when he kisses you, giving all he has.

Now he's asleep, an arm around your waist, a leg tangled with yours. Your bed is small for the two of you, but the way he coils around you like a serpent gives you more than enough space. He looks so peaceful right now, nothing like last night, when he came for you just after midnight and drove to the beach. He pulled you to the backseat almost immediately, but you could tell something was off. Where was the desire in his kiss? Where was that nearly crazy passion?

You had to stop and ask if he was all right.

I'm fine, he said, insisted after you looked at him in disbelief. He tried to hide behind a mask of happiness, but he couldn't; he ended up snuggling up to you, looking miserable as he let you hold him.

I'm sorry, he said afterwards. But he never told you why he was feeling down.

Today, he waited for you at your usual spot, looking much more awake than you thought he should have (you had barely gotten out of bed after sleeping only three hours), smiling happily at your sight.

It feels strange. A few months ago, you never thought you would be lying in bed with Jaejoong, of all people, a guy, with decidedly guy parts that you're not supposed to like (the thought of just how much you love Jaejoong's body makes you feel hot and tingly all over). He's everything you want: you love his sense of humor and how he ignores the rest of the world; you love his singing, especially when you're in your room or in his car and you're listening to the radio, simply enjoying being together; you love the crazy stories he comes up with.

At the same time . . . you feel like you don't know him at all, and this kills you. You want to know why he disappears for days, why he gets angry for no reason and pushes you away. Right now, you wish you knew why he was so sad last night.

His family life seems strange and even terrible, but he refuses to talk about it. He's still a mystery, nearly as much as he was when you first became friends. True, you now know where he lives, you've met some of his family (though not his parents); he occasionally tells you tidbits about his life when you're not together, but they're rarely important.

You sigh, staring at his closed eyes. He's so beautiful, you think he's perfect (though you know it's just an illusion). Is it really so important to know? Perhaps he'll tell you someday, when he's ready. It doesn't mean he doesn't trust you. Ah, you're thinking too much and giving yourself a headache.

Pushing those thoughts away, you set your alarm for at least an hour before your father is supposed to come home (you're terrified of what would happen if he ever found you two in bed together), and hug him closer. And you sleep.


Title: Peace

Will you be all right?

Your suitcase lays open on your bed, filled with jeans and t-shirts you haven't worn in ages. You have gotten used to wearing suits with ties; it's strange, yet you feel free for the first time in ages.

I will be, you tell Changmin. He's sitting on your bed, keeping you company while you get ready. He has come over nearly every day the last week or so. Sometimes Yunho comes along if he's not too busy with work. I already told you, I have enough savings to live on for several . . .

That's not what I meant. You glance at him and find him gazing at you worriedly.

You sigh and shrug.

I don't know, you say honestly and sit on the bed. I don't know what I'll find. I haven't been home since I left for college. I don't know if I'll even be able to see Jaejoong.

Changmin sighs and sits closer to you. He grabs your hand and holds it tight.

You will, he says with conviction. You have his sister's address. If she loves him, she will tell you where he is and she'll allow you to see him.

You smile wryly at him. You wish you could believe him, but battling against the hope you feel is the nearly unbearable fear that you will find nothing.

I wish you'd let me come along, he says. He has offered more than once, but as much you would love to have someone with you (and him, especially), you know you need to do this alone.

I promise I'll call, okay? You can't interrupt your life because of me. You grin and get up to continue packing.

He watches you in silence as you close the suitcase and zip your bag. Now you're ready to go. It's not a long drive home, only a few hours away, but you're anxious, apprehensive, and you almost want to put your things back and stay home.

You exhale, turning to Changmin. He has been such an amazing and unexpected source of strength. You never thought you could be more than acquaintances after your break up, but here you are now, in your bedroom, talking like you have been best friends forever.

I should get going.

He nods and stands up. You're not surprised when he hugs you tight; you hug back, trying to convey just how important he is to you, just how amazing he has been. You don't deserve his friendship or his love, but here he is; you could never thank him enough.

Please take care of yourself, he says, voice nearly a whisper.

I will, I promise. You let go, looking into his eyes once more. I'll call you as soon as I get to the hotel.

He nods, grabbing your bag and leading the way out of the apartment. You want to protest, but you end up following him, suitcase in hand. You grin wryly. It never was much use arguing with Changmin.


Title: Time

Finally!

The bed feels good, oh so wonderful after all those hours on the road. It's mid afternoon, and you just want to sleep. You haven't called your friends yet; you need this first, to just stretch on the bed and rest.

You sigh, thinking about your hometown. You haven't been here since you were eighteen. So many memories, both good and bad, stuck to all the places you used to frequent; they hurt, they killed you, and you knew you had to get away or you would end up destroying yourself (funny, you think; isn't that what you've ended up doing anyway?).

Everything looks old, some parts of town seem desolate. This isn't the same place you grew up in; and it makes sense, of course. Maybe, you're looking at it with different eyes? Now you're a stranger, an outsider; you live in a big city, a world much bigger than this, there's no comparison.

Still, you wonder about all the places you used to go to with Jaejoong: the park you went to sometimes when you skipped school; those couple of parking lots he would take you to at ridiculous hours; the ice cream shop where he bought his beloved mint ice cream. They're only memories, though, reminders of the perfect love you knew (how you wish that had never changed). They're not why you're here, though.

I still have the address from when we lived together, Yunho said, handing you a piece of paper containing an address and a phone number. The place is on the same street where Jaejoong used to live. Are his parents still alive? Does anyone still live in that stifling place?

You sigh, reaching for your phone. Who should you call first: thinks-he's-your-mother-Junsu or Changmin?

Changmin answers the phone immediately, makes sure you're all right, and Yunho sends greetings through him. Next, you call Junsu (you should have called him first, but you know him, he would have left you exhausted if you had).

Yoochun! Finally! I was beginning to get worried. You can just imagine him pacing around, waiting for your phone call. Ah, you owe him so much, he has been there for you for so long. What does it matter if he's ridiculously protective of you sometimes?

You should rest, he says when you admit you're dead tired.

As soon as you hang up, you fall asleep.

You wake up a few hours later. It's dark out, you notice as you reach for your watch, and you realize your father is probably already home from work.

You call and he answers tiredly. He couldn't be in bed already, could he?

Hi, Dad, you say. He takes a deep breath.

Yoochun. How are you? You think he sounds glad to hear you (hopefully he is).

I'm all right. Uh, I'm in town. Did you eat dinner, yet?

You're home?
he sounds surprised. How come?

You exhale, staring at the floor.

Can I come over? I'll bring dinner, you decide to neither lie nor say the truth. You'll do that face to face, if you have to.

All right.

You stop at a restaurant nearby. Soon enough, you're on your way home, the house you grew up in; the place that saw the bond you and your brother had before your parents decided to go their separate ways. Also the place that witnessed your love for Jaejoong. You sigh, driving into the street and stopping right in front of your old home. It looks much like it did several years ago, maybe even better. Maybe your father has taken it upon himself to give it adequate maintenance during his free time?

It feels strange to go up to the front door and knock. You're nervous, you don't know what he thinks of your visit, but suddenly you care. Somehow, you know . . .

The door opens and there he stands, looking as tired as the last time you saw him.

Come on in, he says, patting your shoulder as you walk past him and to the dining area. He already set up plates and you dig in right away. You're ravenous, you realize at once; you haven't eaten since you left your apartment and nerves have been eating at you since then.

How have you been? you ask. He shrugs.

Same as always, he admits. Work and more work. You expect that answer; he's the type of man who would never tell his sons about his social life, if he has one (and you're sure he must, he did when you were younger and he's still a handsome man). So, what brings you back here?

You have been wondering if honesty would be best ever since you decided to come home. What kind of son would you be if you didn't visit your father? Can you lie to him, though?

Do you remember Kim Jaejoong? you ask. He glances at you, visibly uncomfortable, and nods. I'm here to bring him back home with me.

He exhales, staring down at his meal.

You always had this . . . special relationship, he says. You're in love with him, aren't you?

You're sure you look surprised, but you don't care. Will he disown you, kick you out of the house if you admit it? He has always been so traditional, homosexuals only strange people on TV or among singers and other artists who sought to appeal to girls (a phenomenon you will never understand, to be honest). However, you need to answer, and take whatever he says. At this point, you don't really care.

I am, you answer, looking straight into his eyes. I don't expect you to understand . . .

He shakes his head.

I've always known, he says. He changes the subject and you don't talk about it again.


Title: Sting

She's a stay at home mom, Yunho told you when he gave you her address. She's rarely out, so you should find her even if you don't call first.

He knew you wouldn't call, why would you? She doesn't want to see you, doesn't want you in her brother's life, she has made that clear enough. Which is exactly why you're standing in front of her house right now, just after noon, gathering all the strength you have before you talk to her.

You went home late last night. After dinner with your father, you continued talking. He told you about Yoohwan, how you should expect a wedding invitation soon. He came up with more things to talk about, like he didn't want to stop talking or maybe he didn't want you to leave. You were surprised that he didn't once ask about your job; you're glad you didn't have to tell him you quit.

This morning, you had your plan ready: go to Jaejoong's sister's house. Her name is written on the small paper Yunho gave you and that's the only reason you remember. She was never nice to you in the past, her gaze always filled with disapproval.

Now Kim Mikyung lives in a nice little house near her parents' home, with three children and a husband you know nothing about. You wonder about her other sisters, where they are, what they are doing. Do they care about Jaejoong? Have they come to see him?

You sigh. You wish you didn't need to talk to her, that you didn't need her permission to see him. There's no other choice, though, so you force yourself to walk up to her door and knock.

Who is it? you hear her voice less than a minute later. You swallow hard.

Park Yoochun, you reply. The door suddenly bursts open and she glares at you, eyes full of disbelief and maybe even anger.

What are you doing here? she asks, voice rising. He doesn't want to see you!

Noona, you say, managing to keep your voice down (while you wonder if her words are true; it hurts to even think about it). I just want to talk to you. Please.

She exhales, as if willing herself to calm down. She doesn't look any different than the last time you saw her, dressed impeccably in a shirt and skirt, long hair in a neat ponytail, now wearing house slippers.

Finally, she sighs.

All right, come in.

Tea?
she offers and you accept. She tells you to sit in the small living room. The room is so neat, the window open to let light and air in. It’s unsettling, for some reason. What did you expect? Mountains of books and magazines like in her parents' home?

She comes back faster than you expect, a tray in her hands. She serves the tea and hands you a teacup. You thank her, wondering how to start the conversation. She doesn't look at you. Is she nervous?

You're here to talk about my brother, she says abruptly. So, talk.

She catches you off guard, but you suppose it's better than this awkward silence.

I want to see him, you say, straight to the point. And I want to take him back with me.

She shakes her head.

What good will it do for him to see you? her words stab you deeply. And definitely not! He needs help and being in a hospital is the best thing for him . . .

You really believe that? Do you really think that keeping him locked up will do him good? Do you even know Jaejoong anymore?

I know he's done some really insane things that never should have happened
, she replies. If he had stayed in treatment, everything would be fine. And finding you again has obviously been no help.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to remain calm.

He has never been very forthcoming, you tell her. He has always done his best to skirt around important issues, and I don't mean just now. It was the same when we were in school. How could I help him if he wouldn't let me?

She sighs. Does she hear the desperation in your voice?

He hated the pills, hated the side effects. He and Yunho . . . , she wrinkles her nose in disgust. When they were still together, Jaejoong said they hadn't . . . been intimate in months because he just had no desire to. But Yunho told me Jaejoong had been staying with you every once in a while after they broke up.

You nod, your face heating at what she's implying. It's really none of her business, but, well, it's her brother. Damn it.

I can only reach one conclusion: he stopped treatment because of you. She glares at you and you exhale, trying to swallow your anger and frustration.

Look, I just want to see him. Can't you give me that, at least? You're not beyond begging right now. You miss him so awfully, you need to see him now. I love him, I swear to you. I never even understood what was happening to him until Yunho told me.

She closes her eyes before looking at you again. She looks so tired (all because of Jaejoong?).

He needs constant care, she says softly. When he was younger . . . Let's just say I've been through this more than once, okay? He always did insane things. He brought boys home while our parents weren't in. He would sneak out, come back drunk or drugged, and those boys, the things my sisters and I would hear. She frowns. When he first brought you home, we all thought you were just another one of his boyfriends, but no, he actually cared about you. And he started changing again.

You shake your head in confusion. What is she talking about?

So you're saying he changed for the better? you ask.

Somewhat. She exhales. His health has deteriorated since he has been with you now, though, at least as far as I can tell. I don't want you near him.

You feel tears prickling behind your eyes. You need to see him, you need to know he's fine.

Noona, please. You hate it when tears slide down your face despite your best efforts. What harm can it do? He can't leave the hospital, right? I'll be in town just a few days . . .

I want you out of his life.
Her words cut deep into you. You close your eyes, your heart breaking.

Allow me to visit him, just a few days, you say. And then, I'll . . . go away. It kills you to think of disappearing from his life, but what else can you offer right now?

She looks up at your words.

I'm holding you to that, she says, looking straight into your eyes. She stands up and grabs a small notebook and writes quickly. As soon as she's finished, she carefully rips the page out and hands it to you. I'll call and give you access. And I won't forget what you just promised.

You nod, the relief briefly overpowering the grief you've brought upon yourself. You take your leave, thanking her for the tea, and drive away from her house.

Better not think right now, you tell yourself, palming the sheet of paper inside your shirt pocket.


Title: Rejection

Jaejoong, you have a visitor.

The hospital is a small psychiatric clinic not too far away from the central part of town. There were always rumors around it, about it being a place where the insane were left to die in the hands of sadistic doctors. The place used to make you shiver.

Looking at it now, though, it looks like any other small clinic you've seen in the city. Once you go inside, there's a desk and a pleasant nurse speaks to you.

Oh, yes. His sister said you were coming, she says after checking a notebook. This way.

You do your best to keep yourself from asking questions as she leads you, but then, you find out, you don't have to.

He hasn't spoken a word since he was brought here, she says, leading you through a corridor and past several doors. We all try to get him to talk, but he refuses to.

You frown. He's exactly the same as he was when Mikyung decided to take him away. How is this progress?

Your heart beats faster when you arrive to a door and she opens it, letting you inside after her. The small room only has one bed, and it has a small TV; it looks impeccably clean and neat. You breathe a sigh of relief: you had been imagining the worst.

Your breath hitches when you catch sight of him: he's lying on the bed, back to the door, under several blankets. It isn't cold in the room, but then, you don't live there. He doesn't react when she speaks, nor when she closes the door after herself. You're left there, standing near the door, wondering how to start.

Jaejoong. He jumps slightly; you think (hope) that he'll turn to look at you, but he doesn't.

You sigh, moving around the bed, wanting to see his face. He looks so tired, so pale, though not as pale as the last time you saw him. He looks slightly better, just . . .

You sit on the chair next to the bed, but you look away from him. You can tell he's doing his best not to look at you, and you know you deserve his silence, but it doesn't hurt any less.

I . . . You don't know where to begin. I'm sorry I didn't come before. It's all you can say right now, you find. Any other words you have been thinking about for days won't come out. Almost on impulse, you pull the chair closer to the bed.

How have you been? you ask. He doesn't flinch when you touch his face with the back of your hand, just a gentle caress (because you need him, you need to feel him close). The nurse said you . . . She said you're doing well.

He still doesn't react.

You sit there for minutes on end, just watching him. He moves once, turns around so that you're not facing each other. You want to shake him, to tell him to snap out of it, but you don't, you can't.

Finally, you decide it's time to leave. You kiss his hair and walk away, tears sliding down your face before you're even outside. Once in your car, you feel more alone than ever. Before the thoughts can pull you further down, however, you grab your cell phone and press a number. It's not long until he answers and you sigh in relief.

Hey, Yunho. Are you busy?


Title: Listen

I quit my job just before coming back home.

He's quiet, but you go on, like you have the past few days. You've come by every day since the first time. Some of the nurses regard you curiously, but you ignore them, even when they come into the room while you're talking.

My boss looked so shocked. He even called me, believe it or not, said I couldn't just leave with everything going on. You laugh. I know my rights, the company itself allows me to do what I did, see if I care.

You smile at him even though he doesn't spare you a glance.

The others send their love, by the way, Junsu and Hyukjae, and Changmin. You pause before uttering perhaps the most important name. Yunho.

You hoped his name would make him react; it doesn't. Sometimes he closes his eyes and pretends you aren't there. He's eating, though, the nurse always asks you to leave the room while she feeds him, but one time you see him sit up and eat by himself, moving so slowly, but giving in to what was asked of him. That memory is what keeps you from becoming hopeless. He's getting better, you've seen it yourself.

Yunho and I . . . We've become good friends, you tell him one afternoon. He and Changmin have a good thing going, I think. Yunho's even trying to quit smoking. You laugh softly. I never could, no matter how much I wanted to. You frown, shrugging. Did that mean you didn't love Changmin enough? You push the thought away.

Do you want me to bring you something? Anything? The nurse said I can bring you a snack, if you want, you insist.

Some days he watches TV and you're reminded of the days he spent at the hospital after his suicide attempt. It's like he's trying to forget, make himself numb enough so as to not get hurt ever again. It's beginning to drive you insane, though, no matter how hard you try to deny it.

Please talk to me, you say, unable to hold back tears. Jaejoong, I'll do anything, please.

He remains still and you close your eyes.

Look, I came here to bring you back home with me, you admit. You made a promise to his sister, but he could change everything. The day you need to go back home approaches and you can barely breathe. I love you, I want to be here for you. Yes, I know I fucked up, but we both have. Don't I deserve another chance?

You wait, but his silence is all the answer you need. Finally, you leave him, needing to get some air.



Title: Mine

You need to stop watching that shit.

He grabs at the remote but you stop him, keeping the plastic device close to you. It isn't your fault he decided to stay with you on a Wednesday, the day your favorite drama is on. Your father won't be home until late and he said okay when you called him to ask if Jaejoong could stay over. He didn't sound pleased about it, but he has accepted that Jaejoong is a part of your life, whether he likes it or not.

Right now you're regretting it, though.

Shut up, Hyung. Eat or something, you reply, passing a bag of chips to him. The main character is about to be found out as a fraud and everything leading up to it makes you jittery and excited. It's the episode you've been waiting for all week and no way you're letting your boyfriend ruin it for you.

To your left, Jaejoong groans in frustration, but soon seems to become resigned. It's only twenty more minutes. God, can't he just wait?

Five minutes haven't gone by when he speaks again.

Who's that guy?

You glance at him suspiciously. Nevertheless, you explain to him the main plot as best as you can; even if your attention is not wholly on the drama, this is still better than having him complain.

When it ends, you can't help but be disappointed. All that building up to end exactly at the point when the main guy is discovered. You sigh at the thought of having to wait another week, but you just turn the TV off and turn to Jaejoong—only then you realize he's watching you.

What?

He grins, regarding you curiously.

I never thought I'd end up with such a girly guy, he says. You're immediately affronted.

Fuck you! You grab a pillow and throw it at him. He deflects it and gets up, running off to your bedroom while laughing maniacally. You go after him without a moment's thought and tackle him just before he can grab one of your pillows.

Ow! he complains (you know he's just being dramatic). Get off me! But he laughs.

Take it back, you demand, keeping him still under you, his face against the mattress.

Oh, come on, you know it's true, he teases further. You snort and straddle his legs, raising yourself just enough when he tries to lie on his back. Then he's staring at you from beneath, dark eyes shining.

What? you ask again, this time softly, curiosity getting the best of you. He only shakes his head (though you can see there's something more in his mind).

How long till your Dad comes home? he asks instead. You sigh, giving up.

At least two hours, and you lean down to kiss him, knowing this is a battle you won't win (because you won't fight back).


Title: Awake

I need to get back home soon.

You stayed away from the hospital for two days. It felt like your body shut down and you couldn't get out of bed. You barely ate, only some snacks you had bought some days before. Otherwise, you were so tired; you slept and slept, until you couldn't anymore.

Today, you showered and drove down to a small restaurant near the hospital. You ate a full breakfast, all the time wondering what to do. Should you go back to the hospital and insist? Or should you just head back home and forget?

You decided long before you left the hospital. You knew you wouldn't be able to just leave, and you drove into the parking lot almost automatically. Once inside, you were let into his room. He was watching TV, but you heard a sigh and then the device was off. Your heart skipped a beat as you closed the door. When you approached the bed, though, he pretended to be asleep.

Now you're sitting on the uncomfortable chair, watching him. He's not asleep, you can tell, but he can act so well when he wants to.

You bite your lower lip after speaking. He doesn't react to the words; it hurts that whether or not you're here doesn't matter to him. You probably deserve it. Tears threaten to spill; you fight them, taking a deep breath.

I promised your sister I'll leave and get out of your life. I thought that wasn't really my decision. You shrug. I'll miss you.

Like before, he's silent, and you finally give up all hope. You need to go home, sort out your life, decide what you're going to do. Jaejoong doesn't want anything from you and it kills you. What else can you do, though?

You let out a shaky breath as you walk up to him, stroking his hair, his face. So many years in love with him, thinking about him, a love never forgotten no matter who else was in your life . . . Will you ever see him again? The mere thought makes you feel like you're dying and you lean down to hold him, wanting to feel him close at least once . . .

Suddenly, he moves and you open your eyes. You can feel a hand clawing at your shirt, nearly hurting the skin beneath. His grip is weak, but it's there; he lets out a shaky breath, lips close to your ear.

Don't give up on me, he whispers. Please.









tbc . . .


<<Part 16 | Part 18>>

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milena_1980

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