milena_1980: (jaejoong)
[personal profile] milena_1980
Title: Sleeping With Ghosts 24/?
Author: Milena/[ profile] milena_1980
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: JaeChun (main), YooSu, YooMin, JaeHo, HoMin, HyukSu
Genre: AU, Angst, Romance
Warning: Underage sex (17, but, just to be safe); suicidal feelings; references to substance abuse; self-harm
Summary: Soul mates never die
A/N: A series of connected drabbles/ficlets. Not always in chronological order! Title and lyrics from Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo
A/N 2: This chapter may be revised later on.

1. Sing

No more secrets.

The door closes, and you wake up with a start. It takes you nearly a minute to get your bearings. You're in your living room, lying rather uncomfortably on the sofa, a magazine open on your chest. A glance at your watch reveals that it's nearly ten at night.

Yoochun? Are you sleeping?

His steps come closer, all the way from the front door. He's smiling widely, a shopping bag in one hand. No one would believe that just days ago, he was lying in bed, too weak (or unwilling?) to get up and act like a regular human being. A few days ago, he snapped out of it. Now, he's smiling again, moving around the house, talking to you.

Where were you? you ask right away, sitting up. When you came home from work, you found only a piece of paper taped to a wall that read "Gone shopping with Junsu. Call cell phone if you need me!" and just below that, the drawing of a heart pierced through with an arrow. He used to draw that sometimes, back when you were in high school. Freak.

I believe a left an note, he says, sounding pleased with himself. His playful grin catches you by surprise. What? Missed me?

You roll your eyes at that.

You wish, you tease back. Jaejoong just smirks, sitting next to you. It's then that you notice the shopping bag in his hand. What did you buy?

Some stuff.
He shrugs, as though it doesn't matter. A couple of shirts, jeans. You know, regular stuff.

What he doesn't seem to realize is that you are neither stupid nor misinformed. The name on that bag is no ordinary brand.

That looks like more than just "stuff," you reply, keeping your tone steady. A couple of shirts in that store . . . Well, I've never shopped there. I need to eat.

That gets his attention. Your lover narrows his eyes at you, lazily studying your body language.

What's with you? he asks, standing up. I thought you wanted me to go out, to be normal like you, and Junsu, and everyone in this freaking city. I'm doing that, aren't I?

You haven't seen him so angry in a long time. He goes from happy to sad, maybe numb sometimes, but never ever angry. He's right, you realize, but you never asked him to lie to you. You take a deep breath before speaking again.

Where does that money come from? you ask the question he keeps evading. One day you're practically penniless, the next you're buying me expensive suits and shopping in brand stores. Did you think I wouldn't notice?

I don't know. Maybe
, he says, casually. The words hurt, just like he means them to. It's not like I haven't done this before.

You were sick before!
you remind him, looking up at him. Hyung, you promised me. No more secrets. No more leaving me behind with nothing.

To your surprise, he sighs impatiently and sits down again.

Someone owed me money, he explains at once. I had to go down to a club to get it, and I didn't want you to find out. For heaven's sake, of all the stupid . . .

That's all? You sigh, closing your eyes (relief washing over you as every little fear disintegrates into nothing). He shrugs.

That's all. He leans back on the sofa, shifting like a child does when bored and is unable to do anything about it. Don't worry, I haven't spent it all. Some of it is going toward my treatment or whatever.

Oh, that is a relief. His medical bills drive you so crazy, you think you'll have to get a second job just to pay them. The doctor says Jaejoong should be able to go back to work soon. It's just a matter of sitting down and bringing up the subject.

Jaejoong exhales impatiently and gets up, going straight for the stereo. He turns on the radio, smiling as he recognizes the theme song to some drama he watches sometimes. You watch him, forever reminded of the child he used to be and the innocent insanity that ruled his life.

Dance with me, he says, reaching out to you, a little smirk on his lips. You feel tired and stressed; the last thing you want is to dance to some romantic song. Something about him calls to you, however, and you stand up (as always), reach out, and allow him to pull you into his world.

2. Obey

Yoochunnie, Yoochunnie, look at this!

You immediately stop work (you brought it home to make sure Jaejoong wouldn't be alone after the nurse left) and go over to the living room, where your lover is standing in front of the television, eyes wide.

What is it?

Isn't that the actress you were in love with back in school?
he says, pointing at the screen. Indeed, one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen is being interviewed. She looks older, elegant and mature, unlike the young adult who played rather childish parts. Oh, how Jaejoong hated her. She's such a moron, he would say, rolling his eyes at her sight (and, yet, he never left you alone in the living room, suffering through your nearly obsessive fascination with her and her dramas).

Yeah. You feel your cheeks redden a little. Once you got together, liking other people, even celebrities, was a sore issue. Your lover was childish and jealous—well, was isn't exactly right, not when you consider how he looks at Junsu whenever he's around you—absolutely ridiculous.

Jaejoong laughs at your reaction, coming to slide his arm around your shoulders.

You were so in love with her, he teases, lowering his tone. I hated her guts. You snort.

Like that was so hard to figure out. You don't know why, but your reply makes him happy, and, before you know it, he has nearly jumped on you, making you lose your balance and fall on the sofa. He laughs out loud; it's infectious, and you join him, reveling in the sight of him enjoying himself for once.

However, you don't expect it when he kisses you deeply, leaving you breathless. It takes a while for you to get your bearings; you look directly into his eyes, at once recognizing that mischievous glint you've know so long.

He kisses you again, moving so that your bodies are better aligned. When he meets your eyes again, you're almost sure of what he will say.

Do you want to? You moan in surprise when he grabs you through your shorts. It has been so long since you were last together, you're afraid you'll come from this alone.

Do you? His grin is all the answer you need.

3. Doze

You haven't seen him, either?

What do you mean "either"?

You hate your boss, but you keep quiet. You need this job, you need to make up for the savings you spent on getting your lover back. Therefore, you don't complain when he informs you that you must stay back until late to complete a project that you and your colleagues have been working on for weeks. The calendar clearly states that you have a week left to finish, but, no, the client needs it now, and the client is always, always right (fucking bastards).

Work comes first, Jaejoong says when you call him to let him know. He sounds regretful (you feel terrible that his sadness makes you happy), but is quick to hang up when your colleagues call you back.

It's almost midnight when you finally arrive home, craving nothing but a hot shower and your bed. The apartment is quiet, the only light coming from down the hall. Jaejoong probably left it on for you before he went to bed. He does that sometimes.

You choose not to turn on the bedroom light—what if he wakes up? He needs his sleep— quickly grabbing shorts and a t-shirt. Once you look at the bed, however, you realize there's something wrong: your lover isn't in it.

Heart beating madly, you look all over the apartment, coming up with nothing—just as you suspected.

Okay, calm down, you tell yourself, breathing in and out. Now, where would he go so late at night? Your friends, right, maybe he's upstairs with Junsu. Jealous or not, Jaejoong has become attached to him, treating Junsu like the brother he never had. Surely, Junsu must know where he is.

If this isn't life or death, I will strangle you, Junsu answers the phone after a while.

You were sleeping? You realize right away, panic beginning to set in once again. You hear your friend sigh.

Obviously. Not that Yoochun cares right now. What is it? Did something happen?

Fuck, yes, something did happen!

He's gone! You manage to grit out. It's freaking midnight and he isn't home.

, Junsu echoes your thoughts. He sounds as though he's getting out of bed. Did you call Yunho hyung, yet? Maybe he knows.

I was calling him next in case you didn't know
, you admit, calming down somewhat. I better do it now.

Call me as soon as you find out something
, he nearly orders you. You grunt in assent, hanging up and going to your next and only option.

Hello? Yunho sounds wide awake. He has trouble sleeping sometimes (I got used to it. Those late nights waiting for him, he explained when you asked), so you are not surprised. It gives you some hope, though.

Hey, sorry to call so late.

No problem. What is it?

You take a deep breath, willing your voice to come out.

Is there any chance Jaejoong hyung is at your place?

He pauses.

No, he answers, his tone leaving no space for question.

Oh, God, you mutter, beginning to get desperate. So You haven't seen him, either?

What do you mean "either"?
he raises his voice, making you jump in surprise.

I just got home from work. He's not here, there's no note. Those words must be enough to convey your feelings.

Maybe he went out to the drugstore, Yunho suggested, out of the blue. Maybe you ran out of something. He exhaled. Let's not jump to conclusions, okay?

You walk into the living room and sit down on the sofa, closing your eyes and breathing in and out.

It's hard not to, you tell him, finally sounding something resembling calm.

I know, Yunho replies. If anyone can understand, it's Yunho, only he knows Jaejoong as well, or better, than you do (a fact that still grates on your nerves, but, what can you do?).

A few seconds pass, when you hear the sound of the front door open, and the jingle of your lover's keys. Your heartbeat accelerates, charged with a myriad of feelings you can't tell apart right now. Yet, there he is, walking into the apartment, a shopping bag from the drugstore in his hand, completely unaware that, while he calmly lived his life, you felt like you were going to die.

Hey, he says, smiling at your sight. I ran out of cigarettes, and then I remembered a few other things—Yoochun? What-?

You don't let him finish, coming up to him and drawing him into your arms.

4. Forget

Did you have dinner? You shake your head, staring down at your knees. It's three in the morning, your clothes are drenched, and you're feeling terribly guilty. The couple around you doesn't seem to mind, though, offering tea, a towel and much needed company.

What do you think he's doing? you ask, softly. Yunho sighs, sitting across from you at the small kitchen table.

I don't know, he answers as best he can. Did you go to that coffee shop he likes?

The drugstore and the coffee shop were your first bets before you finally decided to call anyone. Jaejoong never goes out, you don't know if he has friends—you don't know anything about him! How is that possible, after living together so long? You sigh. I should go back. Maybe he's already back home.

I thought he was done with this kind of behavior
, Changmin said, unable to keep anger out of his voice. I thought you were going to be honest with each other.

I thought so, too
, you agree. But, things happen. I'm sure he has a good reason.

Then why won't he answer his cell phone?
You want to ignore your former lover, but, he's right (you hate him for it). No one disappears like this out of nowhere, not unless he's back to his old ways.

He's not!
You glare at him, beginning to get worked up. He takes his medication, and he has been better lately. And, more importantly, he promised me!

Angry tears slip down your face, but you wipe at them quickly. You refuse to listen to Changmin. He is wrong, he has to be! So what if Jaejoong has been happy again, turning on the radio and singing like he used to so long ago? So what if that familiar, childish glint in his eye came back all of a sudden? It doesn't mean anything, because he is taking his medication, period.

Changmin sighs impatiently.

Fine, he finally agrees. You should stay here, though.

You don't feel comfortable invading their home.

You shouldn't be alone, Yunho seems to agree with his lover. We'll get the sofa ready.

You end up agreeing. You're so tired, exhausted, really. This is the third time you come home and find him gone. How much more can your heart take before it finally breaks again?

Sorry about this, you apologize to your friends. Changmin shakes his head, staying with you until you falls asleep.

5. Remember

I can't believe you! Do you know how worried he was?

It wasn't on purpose!
An impatient sigh follows. This will be good for us. I need a job . . .

Not there, you don't! All that easy money comes with a price.

A huff and silence, a clear indication that the second speaker has no intention of continuing the conversation.

Where is he? he asked.

Living room.

You hear soft footsteps, and then a warm hand is covering your forehead.

Yoochun. His voice makes you smile immediately. It did when you were sixteen, it probably will until the day you die. Wake up. Let's go home.

You open your eyes, they close again, but his voice urges you once again. Finally, you win the fight, finding yourself face to face with the most beautiful man you have ever met.

You didn't come home, you accuse him immediately. Your lover smiles, combing your bangs off your forehead.

I'm sorry about that, he says, but he doesn't sound half as contrite as you think he should. You thought you would die, you were that worried. Where in the world was he? Let's talk about this at home, okay?

You nod, allowing him to help you up. Yunho's in the room with you, but he looks angry. You want to ask what happened, but something tells you neither men will be forthcoming.

Sorry about all this, you apologize. And Changmin, too. I owe you.

Yunho shrugs.

It's all right. You're not the one who should owe us, anyway, he adds, throwing a cold glare Jaejoong's way. Jaejoong shrugs it off, instead pulling you toward the door.

See you soon, you say.

I hope so, Yunho says, grimly.

6. Attention

Hey! you protest as a report is snatched out of your hands. Not a second later, you find yourself with a lapful of Jaejoong, full lips curved in a sexy and mischievous smile. I need to work.

You need to pay attention to me
, your lover replies, mock pouting. Can't you spare twenty minutes? Ten?

Your back aches, you're stressed. And, well, sex with Jaejoong is sounding more and more like the perfect solution to all your troubles. Not that it never fixes things, because it does. You love his body, the things only he can do to you, taking advantage of his every weakness . . . you could go on and on.

He doesn't let you get out of the chair, pulling your shirt off, lips on your throat right away. You moan, but you don't let him have all the fun: taking advantage of his distraction, you reach down to slip your hand under the waistband of his boxers. You're filled with satisfaction when he moans; he starts pushing his hips forward, looking for more friction, so you give it to him, slipping down his underwear and taking control.

Oh, god, he moans, lips on your throat. Don't stop.

I won't
, you promise, doubling your efforts. He cries out, and then he's coming, shooting up and covering your stomach and chest with his come.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, he mutters against your skin. Bed, now!

Somehow, he manages to get off you and pulls you along to the bedroom. He sits down on the bed and allows you to pull off his boxers, before helping you get rid of your own clothes. You need no other invitation to jump on him and cover his body, kissing his lips, his neck, every part of his body you can reach. Jaejoong doesn't stay still, until you're almost wrestling for dominance—even though he has already decided what he wants, and you are not at all inclined to deny him—and you finally pin him down.

Here, he urges, handing you the lube. It takes nothing to get him ready. He bites his lower lip to keep from crying out, but you can tell that he's so into your lovemaking he would easily forget himself. A part of you wants him to let go, to utter ever cry, every moan (the neighbors wouldn't appreciate it, though; they already look at you funny for living together).

Suddenly, he reaches out to bring you close enough to kiss you hard. It forces him into a rather uncomfortable position, but he doesn't seem to care. He keeps you close, until he reaches climax; his body relaxes, and he looks up at you, watching you, until you come.

His body is warm and perfect, arms wrapping around you immediately.

Sleep, he urges, surely hoping this moment of relaxation lasts just a bit longer.

But, work . . .

His tone leaves no room for discussion. Oh, why not? You haven't had this in so long, and you deserve a few hours of rest.

He sighs, allowing you space to get comfortable before wrapping himself around you again. Even as you start falling asleep, you hear his voice.

Don't listen to them, he says, so softly it is almost inaudible. No matter what, I am never leaving you again.

7. Amazing

The stars are shinier than usual tonight, aren't they? he asks dreamily, turning around and around while looking up at the night sky. You want to tell him to stop—not only has he been drinking heavily tonight, he also ate snacks like they were going to run out—but he looks so beautiful out there, lost in his special little world.

Yeah, you agree, without even bothering to look up at the sky. Who cares about the sky and the stars? They will always be there. This moment, however, will happen now and only now, and then it will be over; you will have nothing but a memory. It is such a sad reality. Someday this will all be over, no more trips to the beach, no more being together in his old car. Yes, the future will be even better: you will be together until the end of time. Yet, this moment, it will be gone, gone, gone, every second, minute, hour you sit here . . .

I wanted to be an astronaut once! he says out of nowhere. You look at him, and there he is, still going 'round and 'round, though he does slow his pace. The best part? No people up there! But there are aliens! I've seen aliens, have you ever seen aliens?

Of course you haven't, and you're sure he hasn't, either, always seeing things that aren't there.

No, you answer, your mood lightening up somewhat. Are they ugly like in the movies? He snorts, finally stops moving, but is now unsteady on his feet, knees buckling.

No, they are beautiful, he answers with a smile. Like the stars.

That's boring
, you say, if only to make him pout. Ah, there it is, the first sign of annoyance.

No, it isn't! He has that look of determination that signals you won't win the argument. After all, he has seen the aliens, you have not. They are tall, he goes on, dreamy-eyed. And bright, like angels.

You want to tell him that aliens don't exist, that he probably dreamed it all up, but he looks so happy. All happy and innocent, though you suspect he is not. But, in the end, what is innocence? Purity? Of what? Of mind, heart, body? No, it's something more than that, but you don't know what. You don't know anything.

There's nothing more beautiful, he says, dreamily.

What? What were you talking about? Besides, what is more beautiful than Jaejoong himself?

He laughs, coming up to you. He kneels, wearing that happy, innocent smile of his, and pushes you down to lie on the sand. Then he lies beside you, holding your hand, intertwining your fingers.

Isn't it beautiful? he asks. What is? The sky? The world? This special place you can almost call home?

Yeah. Beautiful.


<<Part 23 | Part 25>>

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